（Nikki與死線合譯）
在亞瑟．柯南道爾爵士的夏洛克．福爾摩斯故事集中，約翰．華生和瑪麗．摩斯坦是在各個探案之間結婚的——換句話說，婚禮沒搬上檯面。Steven Moffat身為Sherlock影集的執行製作，告訴Vulture他從沒介意過這樣的說故事決策。「我還記得12歲的我在想著：喔，為什麼我們沒看到Sherlock當伴郎啊？拜託拜託我們能不能看到這幕？這會是全世界最棒的故事，我才不管有沒有案子呢！因為這場伴郎演講本身就會是史上最棒/最糟的演講啊！ 」
把時間快轉個幾十年，Moffat終於有辦法實現兒時夢想，拍攝一集以Sherlock在Watson婚禮的致詞為重心的電視影集了。Moffat自己擔任過三次伴郎（還有兩次新郎），說他多年來一直在考慮，如果柯南道爾選擇要呈現這段，偵探向好友的致敬會是怎樣的場景。不像茉莉或哈德森太太，他認為這場演講會非常感人——即使裡面肯定有很多尷尬時刻。（例如，把約翰跟瑪麗的婚禮比喻為『揭示我們社會將終結的報喪蟲，甚至我敢說日後也會成為人類滅絕的徵兆』）
「我認為Sherlock會坐在那兒心想著『大家都覺得我會出岔子。大家都覺得我會搞砸吧。所以我打算讓他們這樣想，然後當然，我會講些很動人的話。』我始終覺得他能完成任務，因為他是個天才，而且他又很在乎他的好夥伴——他不會讓好朋友失望的。我覺得他肯定踱步沉思了整個晚上，確保致詞能感動大家。」（製片總監Arwel Jones也確認了這點。他指出Sherlock真正的感受在（美國時間）昨晚播出的第二集『The Sign of Three』中處處可見：如果你仔細看看Sherlock的公寓就會發現有婚禮會場的模型，在他的筆電上還有婚禮文具擺設的設計草稿，「他愛約翰，而且他又是控制狂，所以他肯定會對婚禮規劃萬分投入。」Jones說。）
不過首先，偵探致詞的開場真的非常像火車出軌：
所有的情感——尤其是愛情——都與我奉為圭臬的、純粹冷靜的理性相違背。在我看來，婚禮不過是在這個受道德淪喪所苦的世界中一種虛假空洞的慶祝，既荒謬又煽情。
接著立刻添上一段對約翰的讚美，Moffat補充道這是他從道爾的《蒼白士兵探案》中挪用改寫而來：
如果我在我的探案中自添麻煩加上一個小幫手，這並不是因為我一時心軟，而是因為他本身就有許多美好的特質，但由於對我太癡迷所以他反而忽略了。的確，我敏銳準確的思維是很出名，但這也多虧了約翰如此無私而卓越的對比才得以體現。
以Moffat的角度而言，這根本是Sherlock在『胡扯』。「他總是這樣，他才不是這樣想呢！他完全本不是像他說的那樣，他只是想說服自己是如此，就像他相信自己是高功能反社會份子一樣。」魔法特說，「他根本不是反社會，更不是高功能。他的確希望自己是反社會，但他其實不是。Sherlock Holmes這個人最精彩的戲劇衝突正在於此，他根本只是個擁有非常聰明大腦的普通人，他壓抑自己的情感、熱情和慾望，好讓他的大腦能夠更運作地更好﹣這本身就是個很情緒化的決定，同時也表示著如果他認為情感會阻碍他，那他一定是個感情豐富的人。我就是覺得Sherlock Holmes的情感肯定快爆炸了。」
最後，當致詞轉向為華生獻上最真誠的祝福時，Sherlock Holmes的情感的確來到了潰堤點：
我的重點是，我是全世界最討人厭、最粗魯無知、最徹頭徹尾的混蛋。任何人若認識我都算他倒楣。我輕忽德性、無視美好，不解幸福為何物。所以如果我一開始沒理解約翰請我當伴郎，那以因為我從來沒想過我會是任何人的摯友，更別說是這個世界上最勇敢、最仁慈最睿智的人的摯友，而我還有福氣認識此人。約翰，我是如此不可理喻，都是因為你的溫暖和堅定友誼救贖了我。但身為你最好的朋友，我卻難以祝賀你的擇偶決定。
不過，現在我可以辦到了。瑪麗，當我說你值得這男人，請理解這是我能說的最高的評價。約翰，你經歷過戰亂、受過傷、遭遇過重大損失——請讓我為第三項再次道歉。因此，今天，你正坐在你認定的妻子與你救過的男人之間，也就是世上最愛你的兩人之間。我知道下面這番話也是為瑪麗發聲：我們絕不會令你失望，而且我們會用一生證明給你看。那麼現在我們就來談談約翰的搞笑故事…
Moffat承認他在寫最後這部份時落了淚。「我熱愛寫這段致詞，但正常時候，我寫東西時不會哭的。」他說：「除非手指被東西夾住，否則我不會哭，甚至在編寫《Doctor Who》裡Amy和Rory的離別時我都沒哭。悲傷不會讓我流下眼淚，但是那種平凡卻全心全意的真情流露就有可能會。」
(原文如下)
In Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s original Sherlock Holmes stories,
John Watson and Mary Morstan get married between adventures —
off-camera, so to speak. Steven Moffat, the executive producer of Sherlock, tells Vulture that he never much cared for that storytelling decision. “I remember being a 12-year-old kid thinking, Oh,
why didn’t we see Sherlock be the best man? Please, can we see that?
That would be the best story in the whole world, and I don’t care if
there’s a crime in it or not, because it must have been the best and
worst speech of all time!” he says.
Fast-forward a few decades, and Moffat finally got to realize his childhood wish, with an episode built around Sherlock’s toast at Watson's wedding. Moffat, who has served as a best man himself three times (as well as a groom twice), says he’d been considering for years how the detective’s tribute to his friend might have gone down had Conan Doyle chosen to depict it; unlike Molly and Mrs. Hudson, he figured the speech would be heartfelt — even if it contained a good number of awkward moments (e.g., a comparison of John and Mary’s wedding to “the death-watch beetle that is the doom of our society and, in time, one feels certain, our entire species”).
“I thought what Sherlock would do,” says Moffat, “is he’d sit there and think, Everyone’s gonna think I’m gonna make a right cock-up of this. Everyone thinks I’m going to screw it up. So, I’m going to make them think that, and then of course I’m going to say something lovely. And I always thought he’d do it well because he’s a genius and he cares about his mate — he wouldn’t let his mate down. I think he paced all night to make sure it was moving.” (Production designer Arwel Jones confirms as much, by pointing out that the proof of Sherlock’s real feelings can be found throughout last night’s episode, “The Sign of Three”: If you look closely in the background of Sherlock’s apartment, for example, there’s a model of the wedding venue, and on his laptop there are drafts for the design of the wedding stationery. “He loves John, and he’s a control freak, so he’s actually very involved with the wedding planning,” says Jones.)
But first, Holmes kicked off his speech in spectacular train-wreck fashion:
All emotions — in particular, love — stand opposed to the pure, cold reason I hold above all things. A wedding is, in my considered opinion, nothing short of a celebration of all that is false and specious and irrational and sentimental in this ailing morally compromised world.
And then, the backhanded compliment to John, which Moffat says he
paraphrased from Doyle’s “The Adventure of the Blanched Soldier”:
If I burden myself with a little help mate during my adventures, this is not out of sentiment of caprice. It is that he has many fine qualities of his own that he has overlooked in his obsession with me. Indeed, any reputation I have for mental acuity and sharpness comes, in truth, from the extraordinary contrast John so selflessly provides.
As Moffat puts it, that’s merely Sherlock “bullshitting.” “He
always is. He doesn’t think that at all. He doesn’t think any of those
things, but he wants to think that he does, just as he wants to think
he’s a high-functioning sociopath,” says Moffat. “He’s not a sociopath,
nor is he high-functioning. He’d really like to be a sociopath. But he’s
so fucking not. The wonderful drama of Sherlock Holmes is that he’s
aspiring to this extraordinary standard. He is at root an absolutely
ordinary man with a very, very big brain. He’s repressed his emotions,
his passions, his desires, in order to make his brain work better — in
itself, a very emotional decision, and it does suggest that he must be
very emotional if he thinks emotions get in the way. I just think
Sherlock Holmes must be bursting!”
And Holmes does get to the bursting point, finally, when the speech turns to some sincere words for Watson:
The point I’m trying to make is that I am the most unpleasant, rude, ignorant, and all-around obnoxious arsehole that anyone could possibly have the misfortune to meet. I am dismissive of the virtuous, unaware of the beautiful, and uncomprehending in the face of the happy. So if I didn’t understand I was being asked to be the best man, it is because I never expected to be anybody’s best friend, and certainly not the best friend of the bravest and kindest and wisest human being I have ever had the good fortune of knowing. John, I am a ridiculous man, redeemed only by the warmth and constancy of your friendship. But as I am apparently your best friend, I cannot congratulate you on your choice of companion.
Actually, now I can. Mary, when I say you deserve this man, it is the highest compliment of which I am capable. John, you have endured war, and injury, and tragic loss — so sorry again about that last one. So know this: Today, you sit between the woman you have made your wife and the man you have saved. In short, the two people who love you most in all this world. And I know I speak for Mary as well when I say we will never let you down, and we have a lifetime ahead to prove that. Now, on to some funny stories about John...
Moffat admits to tearing up while writing that last bit. “I loved
writing the speech, and I don’t normally cry when I’m writing,” he
says. “I don’t cry at all unless my finger’s trapped in something. I
didn’t even cry when I wrote Amy and Rory’s good-bye in Doctor Who. Sadness doesn’t make me cry. I think a simple expression of devotion probably does.”
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